A rather wise man of my acquaintance once said that “moments of peace call for cups of tea”. Well, in this instance I fine that cups of tea call for moments of reflection. I made myself a brew and got up before everyone else this Boxing Day morning in Sherborne, looking out over the fields to see that the weather had changed, and the south west was bathed in sunshine little less than glorious. This time last year I was in a car driving to Heathrow, running away in classic fashion. I had an incredible 10 days in Seattle, Chicago and Vancouver. This year there is nowhere to run away to. A few weeks break from work always sees me struggling to wind down in the first few days. The process hasn’t been helped by the car breaking down, going to London, going to Liverpool, going to Manchester all in the same few days, then ending up ‘home’ and no being sure of what to do with myself. You need to work out what your priorities are, Matt. Nothing has really changed this year from next. You’ve been through some of the same cycles as you usually do. Work has moved on, for sure, but the church stuff has slowed as you’ve lost appetite for risk, preferring to settle back into familiar patterns. You can’t do all these things well, and you can’t substitute for your hunger for more with being busier. It never does to get too personal in the blogosphere; but you really are kind of making the same errors in all kinds of relationships. Loving people when they’re with you, making little effort when the relationship needs it.Perhaps the more you grow to know yourself, you wonder how anyone could really ‘fit’ with you. It’s no use wishing you were ‘One thing’ though, say ‘just’ a worship leader, or just a writer, or just anything; God’s made you the way you are for a purpose. There’s something in the tension that is uncomfortable though. People who only know you in one sphere of activity make assumptions about you as a person which you can’t fulfill. “I can only disappoint you” needn’t be your theme. Because of what you have experienced, and the roles you have, you have a unique perspective that God needs you to work through. He’ll use it for His purpose at His time. But in the meantime, what to do? To hold onto to vain hope? To distract yourself to death with music, Xbox, ipods, busyness, single malts and pinot noir?Another year which looks like being the same as the last; another year of the postgrad, another year of study on saturday mornings and tuesday evening. Another year of meetings, of courses and services. Something has to shift, Matt.Stop acting the need to be important and recognise what it is – pride. If you want more space for relationship and personal growth, you need to make it. Your job, your responsibility. It’s been year of false starts. To all the ones I’ve lead down confused pathways, I’m sorry. I wish I wasn’t such a handwringing limp wristed liberal otherwise I wouldn’t care – but the fact is I do care, and yet make mistakes which make them worse. You only have responsibility for your own decisions – take care not to damage others, but don’t be so cautious that you never take a risk. Don’t think yourself into too many corners in 2008.Finally – finish something. There are many things which need to be completed, not through some special effort, but by diligence and doggedness. Don’t despise process and what it can acheive by constantly looking for the ‘quick fix’.Take care, Matt